Utopian Illusions: The Untold Devastation of Modern Communication
by Alyson Schwabe MA, CTG
What is the one thing we set up our lives for? Did you guess it yet? …It's contact! Also known as connection, it is the basis of all relationships. The trouble is we're often confused about the true meanings of these words. The differences between the words are: you can have a relationship with a person without having true contact with the person. You can even feel connected to them but you may not be making authentic contact with them in return.
As a practicing psychotherapist, I have noticed a trend that's sweeping the nation. I call it the “bait and switch”. Email and cell phones have become common to every parent and child these days, and they have wonderful benefits--no doubt I think we have all embraced those. The great irony is that in an era where communication with others is more accessible than ever before, we are becoming increasingly disconnected to one another! The shadow side that I see over and over again is this communication technology we have come to rely on is causing relationship wreckage, and planting seeds for big trouble in our families, communities, and how we understand intimacy.
Here's an example: Most teenagers I have worked with text message their friends a minimum of 3,000 times a month, (and up to 7,000 texts a month have been reported). They all say they the same thing: they do it in the name of keeping friendships going. I do not argue this. Teens often have schedules as packed as their parents, and texting is a great way to keep in touch. The problem I see is that when I get them in a room and face to face to follow through with the contact side of connecting, they don't know how to do it anymore! Many adults have the same problem: their use of communication technology is overriding their skills and initiative for authentic contact with one another.
Most people when faced with making and receiving authentic contact, struggle to break through their shields. Family distancing and fights seem to bee the most common denominator of texting and web chat; breakups and even divorces have been the reported result of Internet connections--be it people or porn. Our use of communication technology has skyrocketed, and it's devastating our relationships with each other. The worst case scenario would be if we didn't acknowledge the shadow side of this utopian gift, and as the years go by we breed a new generation of people who don't have any idea how to make authentic contact with one another.
My commitment to our growing culture of technology is to keep teaching what authentic contact is, and help couples, families and children re-experience—and in many cases, learn for the first time—authentic contact in connection with one another.
Alyson Schwabe, M.A., C.G.T. may be reached at 303.960.7917
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